Sermon: "In the House of Fear and Doubt” If today’s reading from John’s gospel sounds very familiar to you, then you are among those who have regularly been here in worship on this second Sunday of Easter – for this same gospel reading is the same every single year in the three year lectionary cycle – and for good reason. With the news of the resurrection, this hard to believe news of life beyond death - one of the very first reactions we have is doubt. How can this be? Just like the original disciples, we ask, “How is this possible?” We want some answers in the face of this extra-ordinary news. We are like Thomas in this story – we want to “see Jesus for ourselves” – and only then will we believe. And we desperately want to know if this resurrection news is true for our loved ones who have died – and is it true for us? We all, I suspect, at times have our doubts about this faith. Most of us, anyway. Fred Craddock, a great preacher and a renowned teacher of preaching, he put it like this: “For some, faith is as gentle as a child on grandmother's lap, but for others it is continual wrestling with doubt." I think for me, maybe for you, faith is both - depending on what is happening in our lives at the time. We surely struggle with doubt. I know I do. And we struggle with the close cousin of doubt, which is fear. It is in the soil of doubt that fear can spout and grow. What if this faith is not true? What if I lose the wrestling match? What then? Such questions can bring fear. Doubt and fear – fear and doubt – we see both in this gospel lesson today. In real time this reading begins last Sunday night – the evening of that first Easter Day, when we find the disciples all gathered together. But they were not gathered for a nice ham dinner on Easter – there is no celebration of this amazing news which Mary had brought them earlier that afternoon. No - they are gathered because they are scared to death. On Easter evening we find the disciples holed up in a room, walled off from the world, behind locked doors. No one could get in. They were afraid, John says, “of the Jews.” After all, it was the Jewish temple authorities, the religious leaders of the day – who had Jesus arrested, tried, brought to the Roman governor Pilate, who then handed Jesus over to be executed – to be crucified. Perhaps this same group of leaders might come after them next. What if getting rid of Jesus - the ring leader - was not enough? Maybe they were next in line for arrest, and trial, and execution. They were afraid – hiding behind closed doors – holed up in the house of fear - afraid – and deeply sad at the death of Jesus – and ashamed of themselves for running away and abandoning Jesus, just when he needed them the most. Then into this house of fear they hear this incredible claim from Mary – who says she had seen the Lord – that Jesus was somehow alive again? How could this be? Fear and shame, and guilt –and now doubt – it was all there walled up around them behind those closed and locked doors. That’s where we find ourselves sometimes – is it not? With high walls and locked doors, sometimes we too live in that house of fear and doubt. I heard a terrible thing this past week – something that did not make the evening news - from another pastor in town that I know. One of this pastor’s church members - we know now - was being stalked by a deranged and sick man – likely for some weeks. One day he waited for this woman’s husband to leave for work – and he broke into their house, and sexually abused this woman for over four hours – a terrible, heinous crime. Later she was found and she is now receiving the help she needs - and this crime is being investigated. Last I heard the attacker was still at large. Their house, the family home, had become a crime scene – and the decision was made to tell their two young children that the house had a gas leak, and they could not go back into the house for some time. And the advice given to the family was to move – immediately – to another neighborhood. They reached out to their pastor for help – which was given in many ways – including contacting the Center for Woman and Families, which has a standing agreement with a local moving company – which is on call to move a family at risk – within a few days - donating 4 hours of their time for free, and then at half price for any additional hours. The crime happened on Monday – the day I learned about it. And the movers were coming on Wednesday. The call went out went out to the church and to other pastors, to help find a number of men – men only - asking them to come Wednesday morning to help pack up this family’s belonging, before the movers were to arrive at 2:00. Just repeating all this makes me ill – to think that this happens in our city – that it happens anywhere – is awful. For that woman – and that family – talk about living in the house of fear and doubt. Though less traumatic than that – there are other times in our lives when we feel trapped inside walls of doubt and fear. A sudden job loss – and we wonder how we will make ends meet. A relationship breaks apart - we find ourselves coming unglued – and we are scared about finding love again. An accident – and for at time we are afraid to drive. A scary diagnosis, and our plans are changed, as we face an uncertain future. A gunman enters one of our schools – like one did in Fern Creek High School - and fear and anxiety is rampant. A loved one dies – and we wonder what really does happen after death – and we face again the reality of our own mortality. In these times we find ourselves living in the house of fear and doubt. In the midst of that house of doubt and fear – where those disciples were holed up – suddenly – without their doing anything – suddenly Jesus showed up - right there with them. In that house of fear and doubt, Jesus arrives - and the first words he speaks are words we still speak – "Peace be with you." No words of scolding – no words of shaming, no, “O ye of little faith.” “Peace be with you” – those same words we Christians say to one another during our worship services, perhaps without even thinking: peace be with you. Jesus’ arrival in that house of doubt and fear was itself transformative. As John writes, Jesus showed them his hands and side – that it was really him – “and the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord.” Doubt and fear – real as they are – are subject to transformation into faith and hope when Jesus is present. Then – Jesus does something rather odd. After another word of peace, John writes, Jesus “breathed on them.” In the creation story in Genesis, God breathed into the man, and he became a living thing. Here Jesus does the same things, breathing the life-giving Holy Spirit into his disciples - these fearful and doubtful followers – saying “receive the Holy Spirit” – this Holy Spirit – the one I told you about – my continual presence with you – this Spirit which gives you the ability to forgive the sins of others – or to retain them – to keep a hold of them – a choice we all have when others wrong us. Jesus’ own risen presence – transformative possibilities - a blessing of peace – and the life giving breath of the Holy Spirit. Friends – right into our house of fear and doubt – Jesus comes. His resurrection presence is transformative for us. Into our house of fear and doubt Jesus brings us peace - not solutions to our struggles, not answers to all our questions – but the peace of his own presence – the presence of the Holy Spirit - to sustain us and bless us – to help us forgive – and to direct us into the future – the peace that can help us face our fears with hope, and our doubts with renewed faith. One week later – today – it was happening all over again – the disciples, again afraid, may less so – but still shut behind those doors. Again Jesus shows up – again with this same word of peace - and a word to Thomas and to all who doubt. “Do you believe, Thomas, because you have seen me, standing right in front of you? Blessed are all those who have not seen, and yet believe.” As we just sang, we do indeed walk by faith, and not by sight. But still, “we believe him here” – we believe the risen presence of Jesus can and does come, right into our houses of doubt and fear. For that young woman and her family – her pastor and her church is helping – and I learned that 22 men showed up to help last Wednesday to pack everything up. And that woman and her family are beginning to heal – in no small part because of their faith, and their community of faith. Our community faced a death this past week – our own Larry Herbert. Over the past months - in the house of fear and doubt from this awful disease - he and Shirley faced his cancer with hope and energy, never letting it get the better of them. Larry pushed it back, again and again - until the word came that the pushing back would not have the desired result. And then within just a few days of that decision, he died - with the confident hope that his life would be kept safe with Jesus. I witnessed that faith – and so did many of you. “Of this, we all are witnesses.” I witnessed this faith and hope in Shirley, and in the whole family. Though sad certainly, though there were tears of loss and sadness – I witnessed a family facing death with faith and with hope – with a desire to celebrate life – with a genuine thankfulness to God for Larry’s life among us - grateful for his infectious joy and zest for life that still lives on in his family – and in many of us – and in me. Friends, in the house of doubt and fear, Jesus comes. May you and I know this presence, this transformative power, this faith and hope.
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